I thought Tracy was getting here at noon.
Movie stars move at their own pace, Liz.
We have to accommodate them.
Yeah, well, a lot of people are still upset
about Tracy joining the show.
That's not my problem. I have other things on my plate.
You hear about that chemical-factory explosion
outside of Colorado Springs?
No. Good.
I just think when it comes to this whole Tracy thing,
it's best to tread lightly.
No, no, no! No, no, no, no!
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
It's just us.
Lemon, to tread lightly is your job.
My job is to keep Tracy Jordan happy.
Girls, girls, girls, let's save it for Mr. Jordan.
Studio 6H is where we do "The Girlie Show."
Did y'all see Tracy Jordan
make a special appearance the other night?
Wasn't that exciting?
That is what we in the show business like to call a cameo.
Hey, this is the star of "The Girlie Show,"
Jenna Maroney!
Hi. Thank you.
How you feel, NBC tour?
'Cause you look good, like a solid-gold candy bar.
Where else do you have those piercings on your body?
This is it, everybody. Here he comes.
No, no, no! Stop, stop, stop, stop.
It's only Jenna.
All right. It's just Jenna.
How you doing, Jenna?
Ow! Ow!
Okay, I mean, granted,
Tracy Jordan has some commercial appeal,
but within his remunerative body of work,
there's just nothing of value.
What are you talking about?
Did you ever see his stand-up?
Give up the butt, ladies. Give up the butt!
This is it. I mean it. Here he comes!
He's an imbecile.
Well, he's our imbecile now.
I'm surprised he's still got his shirt... Oh, there it goes.
Jack!
Oh, my goodness!
Good to see you again, brother!
It's good to see you again.
Oh, that is fantastic.
You'll have to teach me that handshake one day.
Tracy, if there's anything you need,
anything, you come to me.
Jack, man, you know I'm the kid.
I'm easy like Sunday morning.
Don't look at me. Do not look at me in the eyes.
Do not look at Mr. Jordan.
Do not look at him in the eye.
Just look away.
Look away.
Tracy, this is our producer, Pete.
Hey. Hey, Pete.
You smoke weed, right, Pete?
Uh...
No.
Me neither.
Me and you, Pete. Me and you.
Pete. Good to see you.
Is it? Oh, good.
It's good to see you, too,
'cause that means I'm not fired anymore.
I wasn't gonna mention that, but I did.
And now I'm talking about it.
Relax your balls, Pete.
Hey, everybody.
Tracy Jordan's here.
Don't just sit there.
Come here and give me some sugar.
No, thank you.
If you ever want to piss off your parents, you come see me.
Right this way, Tracy.
This is Tim Grandy. He's from Bowie, Maryland.
Rachel Bey. She just got engaged.
Josh Girard. He got 760 on his SATs.
Graduated from SUNY Cortland.
Frank Rossitano has every copy
of Black Tail magazine ever published.
J. D. Lutz... thyroid problem.
James Spurlock... we call him Toofer,
'cause with him, you get a two-for-one.
He's a black guy and a Harvard guy.
And, of course, you know Lemon.
How did you do that?
It's my job.
Jared from Set Design.
Wally... Cue Cards.
Rupert Murdoch.
Melinda Gates.
Ziggy from the cartoon "Ziggy."
Anthony Pellicano.
Heidi Klum.
The guy that sleeps with Heidi Klum.
This man's a genius.
Let me just say, I'm excited to be here.
It's an honor for you to meet me.
I got a lot of characters I'm ready to bust out.
I got a character named Biscuit. Write that up.
Got another character named Rolando
who's a 2-foot-tall Spanish hustler.
Glasses, I want you to write that one.
Got another character named Ching-Chong
who loves to play ping-pong.
I just made that up right now 'cause that's how I flow.
Now, I'm up for anything.
Well, I thought me and you could play Seinfeld and Bill Cosby.
No. I don't like that.
How you doing?
There is no way I am working with that guy.
Do you know that he once got arrested
for walking naked through LaGuardia?
Yeah.
And that he once fell asleep on Ted Danson's roof?
Yeah, Tracy has mental health issues.
He bit Dakota Fanning on the face.
When you hear his version, she was kind of asking for it.
I-I can't even believe that you are doing this to me.
Listen, I understand that this is tough for you,
but what did I tell you?
Not to freak out? Right. And what else?
Stop falling in love with gay guys?
About this.
But you're looking out for me, but it doesn't seem...
Jenna, I'm your friend.
I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, okay?
The show is called "The Girlie Show," and you are the girl.
Nothing is gonna change that.
Okay.
Glaub mir.
Dieser Advantium Microwave sind beste.
How could you change the name of my show without telling me?
Detlev, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Ja. Wunderbar.
Plow chops.
"The Girlie Show" is now "TGS with Tracy Jordan"?
It tested very well with the focus groups.
If you say you like it, you can have some pizza.
You people like pizza?
You need to tell Jenna this whole thing was your idea
and I didn't know anything about it
and that she should be mad at you, not me.
Oh, sure.
Then we could sit around and braid each other's hair
until we get our periods at the same time.
Lemon, you're a supervisor.
These people are not your friends. Yes, they are my friends.
No. They're your employees.
Well, one of my employees is extremely mad at me.
Will you talk to her?
No, because then you're not gonna learn anything.
You have to manage these people, Lemon.
It's your show. You have the tools.
Get out there and build the house, add on the pool,
and throw yourself into the deep end.
What if I can't swim?
Then I'll do what my father did when I was 2.
Lure you to the edge of the pool with a puppy and push you in.
Yikes.
Fine. I'll figure it out.
We're gonna be shooting some promos in an hour
underneath the new sign.
So have your people...
write some stuff.
So I said, "Rick, this chick's got an Adam's apple."
And Rick said to me... I'll never forget this...
He said, "Freaky-deakies need love, too."
Freaky-deakies need love, too.
Charming.
So how you doing over there, Theo Huxtable?
I'm doing good.
Nuh-uh. Superman does good.
You doing well.
You need to study your grammar, son.
Wow. That was embarrassing for you.
I-I don't even have lines in these promos.
It's all Tracy. He doesn't even mention me.
I'll fix that. Just stay calm.
Stay calm?
They changed the name of the show.
You said you were looking out for me.
I am. I will handle it.
Lemon. Lemon.
Can I be real with you?
Yeah.
I haven't had a real job in like two years.
I'm not used to all these cue cards and all of that.
Don't worry about the cue cards.
You have two lines. You say, "Hi. I'm Tracy Jordan.
"I'm bringing the black back to NBC.
I'm proud as a peacock, baby."
You don't even need these.
You're right.
I got this.
Thanks for looking out for me, Lemon.
I'm gonna crush it.
Show these people how a movie star does it.
A little to your right, Tracy.
Okay. Here we go.
In 3, 2...
Hi. I'm Tracy Jordan.
And I'm bringing the black back to NBC,
and I'm proud as a peacork, baby.
That's great, Tracy, but it's "peacock."
What'd I say? "Peacork."
"Peacock." Think "peacock."
Right, Jenna?
In 3, 2...
Hi. I'm Tracy Jordan.
And I'm bringing the black back to NBC,
and I'm proud as a pea-cock, baby!
Okay.
That time, I think you may have hit it a little bit too hard.
Also, can you throw Jenna's name in there for me?
In 3, 2...
Hi. I'm Tracy Jordan.
And I'm bringing the black back to NBC.
Right, Jenna Malvaney?
Maroney... rhymes with baloney. Here we go.
In 3, 2...
Hi. I'm Tracy Jordan.
And I'm bringing the black back to NBC,
and I'm proud as a peacock, right, my baloney?
Nope.
In 3, 2...
Hi. I'm Tracy Jordan. I'm black, NBC!
Very proud, like peacocks. Right, Janet?
I think we got it.
Yeah. I think we did.
That was beyond insulting.
The guy doesn't even know my name.
Why do you love him so much?
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't love him. Donaghy loves him, that's it.
Pete can't stand him. Toofer thinks he's an idiot.
Even Cerie says he's a pig.
Frank likes his movies.
Frank also loves that video
of the monkey smelling his own butt.
Nobody wants Tracy Jordan here
except for certified non-genius Jack Donaghy.
I'm sorry to interrupt, Miss Maroney,
but the sound guys want their microphone back.
So everyone can...
Hear everything you're saying. Yes, ma'am.
Oh, my God. I didn't use the N-word, did I?
Oh, no, no, no, Miss Maroney, you did not.
Oh, good. I mean, I never would, but...
Jenna, take the mike off! Sorry.
Oh, my God. That was bad, right?
It wasn't great.
Jack Donaghy wants to see you.
No, no. Tell him I'm very busy.
Come in. She's very busy.
Mr. Donaghy, I sincerely apologize.
I'm so embarrassed.
I guess you must be embarrassed
if you're hiding in the storage closet.
This is my office.
Really?
I see you bring a little feminine magic
to everything you touch.
How did it go with Tracy Jordan when you apologized?
Well, I didn't think I needed to talk to him.
He's not my friend. He's my employee.
No, he's not your employee. He's your product.
Like it or not, you're in the Tracy Jordan business now.
And when you screw the pooch the way you did today,
it's your responsibility to get in there and make things right.
How do I do that?
I don't know. I'm a non-genius.
I'm really sorry.
Lunch break. That's a lunch break.
Back in 30 minutes.
Tracy, uh, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings before.
Please. You can't hurt me.
I did stand-up on the road.
Crowd once threw a motorcycle at me.
Good, 'cause I'm just trying to calm Jenna down
'cause she's kind of paranoid and neurotic.
Your being here is just bringing out all of her crazy.
And please don't think that everyone hates you.
Pete thinks that everybody's an idiot,
especially Frank, who is an idiot.
Josh is just jealous
'cause you're gonna get more screen time than him,
and Toofer's just afraid of black people.
Which one is Toofer? The black guy.
Hmm.
My point is, don't worry about them.
You are the only person that the network cares about.
Miss Lemon, I just want to let you know,
y'all are on the monitors right now.
Everyone can...
Hear you and see you. Yes, ma'am.
Son of a...
mother!
Paranoid?
Well, that just confirms all my suspicions.
Sorry, everybody.
Hey, buddies.
All right. I deserve that.
But I didn't say anything about you guys
that I wouldn't have said to your faces.
Fine. The important thing is, don't take this out on Tracy.
That dude sucks.
Are we gonna talk about this like adults,
or are you just gonna throw things at me?
All right. Okay. Fine.
Get it out of your system.
All right. Nothing that plugs in, you guys!
Nothing that could really hurt me!
Hello.
Lemon?
How are things in the deep end?
Fine.
The staff is meshing together well?
Oh, yes. Yeah.
Good.
I'm counting on you.
We got to do something.
Let's crash my car to see if the air bags go off.
Let me explain what I'm talking about first.
Everybody is mad at us.
Mostly mad at you.
That's because Donaghy threw me into the deep end of a pool
that I didn't even want to build in the first place.
Look, I'm just saying, we both screwed up today.
I think we should make nice
and buy everybody some pizzas and some soft drinks.
No, no, no, no.
This is what we're gonna do, Lemon.
You're gonna get everybody on my yacht.
Harbor cruise, drinks, togetherness.
That's great. You have a yacht?
I got a yacht.
I got a solid-gold Jet Ski, two Batmobiles,
the AIDS monkey's bones.
Welcome! Welcome to your fantasy!
We're both hosting. The ice-cream bar was my idea.
This is surprisingly tasteful.
Oh, yeah. I've taken this boat many places...
Miami, Tokyo, Denver.
Hey, what does that mean... Avanti Domani?
What? The name of the boat.
Oh, that's Spanish for "remember your mother."
No, I don't think it is.
Hello, boys. I brought champagne.
I'm so glad you came. Get away from me.
My baloney. Look at you. Wow.
Yeah. Thanks.
Let me make you a drink.
You love apple martinis, right?
Yes. How did you know that?
I read your interview in Amtrak Magazine.
Really? You saw that?
Mm-hmm. Wow.
Hey, did you know all the writers in that magazine
are also conductors?
I didn't know that.
Hey, Toofer, see if I got any schnapps.
Good gravy.
This is a Dunwiddie '62.
It's for you. Take it, my friend.
Thank you.
ß I'm bossy ß
ß I'm the bitch y'all love to hate ß
ß I'm the chick that's raised the stakes ß
ß I told young Stanley he should switch to Bape ß
That is just wasteful.
I hear you sing. I didn't know that.
Why don't you sing something for me?
Oh, no. Nobody wants to hear that.
I do.
ß Some folks like to get away ß
ß Take a holiday from the neighborhood ß
ß Hop a flight to Miami Beach or to Hollywood ß
Let's get out of here. ß I'm taking a break ß
Is that a real song?
It's going well, right?
It has to. It has to go well.
Relax. Everybody's having a great time.
How's Jenna?
Furious and drunk, but at least she's getting along with Tracy.
Well, he does know how to throw a party.
Think we're ever gonna leave the dock? I don't know.
The engines have been running for like three hours.
Hey! Hey! Grizz!
Grizz, don't wreck this boat!
Grizz is driving the boat?
Don't worry. He was in the Navy.
ß Oh, do you really want a problem? ß
ß We be the ones that'll solve 'em ß
I got one! I got one! Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Cosby.
What's the deal with pudding?
I'm Bill Cosby. Jell-O. Sweaters.
Yeah!
That doesn't even sound like the Cos.
I got to go lay down.
Got you on that one, man.
Pbht!
Tracy, thank you so much for doing this.
You totally saved me.
You don't have to thank me, Lemon.
We're a team now, like Batman and Robin,
like chicken and a chicken container.
Hey, where's your bathroom?
Second door on the right.
Let's do another one. Let's do another one.
Hmm. That's weird.
Wow.
iPor favor! iNo me dueles! iMe llamo Maria!
Please, calling Ted and Nancy Peabody!
You tell "Who Dat Ninja" is on the boat!
What are you saying?
Tracy Jordan is on the boat!
He no see me!
I hidded from him... I hide from him!
Oh, my God.
It's Spanish for "remember your mother."
I've taken this boat to Denver.
You can have that Scotch.
Grizz was in the Navy.
It's not his boat!
Sir, you need to disembark immediately!
This is not his boat!
We got to get off this thing! This is not his boat!
Disembark immediately!
Is this your boat?
Disembark immediately!
Run! Jump! Get out of here!
Good morning.
Morning.
Okay. You were right.
I'm sorry?
I can't do this. I can't manage these people.
It was a disaster. What are you talking about?
Everybody loved your little Lemon party.
Nothing brings a team together like a harrowing experience.
You pulled it off.
Really? They bonded.
Good job.
Okay.
I guess now I just have to read
about how Tracy Jordan tried to steal a boat.
No. I took care of that.
The Peabodys will be getting some free rides in the NBC jet.
There won't be anything in the papers.
Really? What about this?
Well, I had to give them something.
Don't worry. She's gonna love it.
That's just insulting.
Liz, Liz, did you see me in the Post?
Oh, my God. It's so embarrassing.
Look how thin I look.
And look how many e-mails I've gotten.
It's not even 8:00 a. m. in L.A.
Oh! Should I call Stern?
You're welcome.